Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Resources

And he's back.

Jeez, it's been a while since I updated (again). It's not that I haven't thought about the blog, it's just been a lack of... well... resources from which to channel the energy I need to get writing. It's at least partly the typical post-holiday emotional hangover, I'm sure: too much company, too much spending, too much tension and stress, too much Making Merry. I know I speak for lots of folks when I say that we work ourselves into such a lather desperately trying to ensure that each Christmas is So Damn Perfect for our kids that by the time it's done we're exhausted and too stressed out to actually enjoy the joy that the season brings them, and that -- theoretically at least -- it should bring us as well.

This past Christmas wasn't a particularly good one for me. I never even got close to being "in the spirit." I worked hard to avoid being too Grinch-y, but didn't always succeed. And through it all, all I could focus on was New Year's Day. Get through the Christmas nonsense and get me to New Year's so I can shake 2005 off.

2005 was not a good year for me, not by a longshot. It saw my already miniscule immediate family shrink a bit more (through death and through divorce). 5 years of work chasing a pipe dream of techno-riches dispersed, as pipe dreams always do, into a cloud of bitter smoke. Friendships were nearly strained to the breaking point a couple of times. Money continued to be a challenge, to say the least.

And yet, We -- the people that make up the core of my family and of my life -- made it through intact. Knocked around a bit, but healthy and whole for the most part. So for that I'm grateful. And that was why I could hardly wait for the calendar to change. Get it done. Get us into 2006 in one piece, please.

So we made it, and 2006 is looking good so far. Aside from the simple fact that some of my money problems will FINALLY be coming to a close I've taken on some new projects that I think -- I hope -- will help me adjust my outlook on things. So often this blog has served as little more than a repository for anger and frustration for which I couldn't find an outlet in my day-to-day life, and on reflection that struck me as a fairly unproductive use of my creativity. It didn't help, especially, and while it felt good to vent little was actually achieved. I'm trying to change that. It'll take a while, I'm sure, but we'll see how it goes.

These days, after my work and family responsibilities are taken care of, I'm trying to pour all of the remaining energy I can muster into my Tang Soo Do training. It's going very, very well so far, and I'm making swift progress in learning the basics of the art. Of course I'm also beating the living shit out of myself -- these classes are the most demanding physical workout I've put myself through in at least 2-3 years, and I'm doing them in conjunction with maintaining my already busy 4-5 times a week gym routine. I've scaled back on weightlifting due to a nice little neck muscle spasm that has been haunting me for nearly a month, but I've instead been focusing on cardio and flexibility in the mornings, with 3-4 hours of Tang Soo Do in the evenings each week. As a result, my left hip muscles are seriously pissed off and I've done a pretty good job on the toes in my left foot. I'm 38, not 18, and times like this tend to drive that point home with annoying precision and force.

But whatever. It's just pain. It'll pass, and I'm just working through it. And if I can do that with physical pain, channeling it and dealing with it and just keeping going, then why do I need to use a blog to, well, Bitch and Moan? Can't I channel that energy more effectively, too?

I don't know, but I think it's worth a try.

So, the blog may be spotty for a while. My energies are most definitely focused elsewhere. In time they'll balance out on their own, and I'll try to keep things rolling here whenever I have something interesting to say.

Mood: Good
Now Playing: Death Cab for Cutie, "Transatlanticism"

2 comments:

Karl Elvis said...

2005 sucked all round, didn't it?

Here's to 2006, brutha-man.

Circe said...

2005 was a terrible year. I would venture to say that it was one of the worst years of my life. Perhaps even THE worst...

I thank whatever powers may be that it is over, and pray that 2006 will be better for us all.

xooxoxoxo