Still Fighting It

I am fairly certain that there are several folks in the grocery store who think I'm having a nervous breakdown or something.

Good morning, son.
I am a bird
Wearing a brown polyester shirt
You want a coke?
Maybe some fries?
The roast beef combo's only $9.95
It's okay, you don't have to pay
I've got all the change

Every Sunday morning, I grab my iPhone and headphones and head out alone to do the week's grocery shopping. It's one of my favorite parts of the week, as I have very few opportunities to just be off by myself, listening to music. I throw on some tunes, fire up my shopping list application, and just work my way through the store, bopping along, lost in my own little world.

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
And you're so much like me
I'm sorry.

So today, I threw some Ben Folds I'd grabbed from a friend on the iPhone and decided to work my way through them. I already have the Ben Folds Five CD "Whatever and Ever Amen," and also picked up "Way to Normal" (mostly for "You Don't Know Me"), but didn't know much of his other stuff. So, I just as a random pick I throw on "Rockin' the Suburbs," an album of which I'd heard lots of good buzz, but never really managed to listen to before.

Good morning, son
In twenty years from now
Maybe we'll both sit down and have a few beers
And I can tell you 'bout today
And how I picked you up and everything changed
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you'd feel the same things.

And so I'm bopping along, when "Still Fighting It" comes on. I've never heard this song before, and to say it snuck up on me would be an understatement. Anything about fathers and sons tends to have a fairly profound effect on me -- the results of losing my dad at so young an age and growing up without a real father figure, no doubt -- but this one was a doozie.

Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it

So, I'm doing my shopping, listening and feeling myself emotionally drawn into the song, the lyrics working their way in and making think, think of my kids, of how they make me feel. I can feel my eyes welling up. And I'm reaching for a loaf of bread when the song reaches it's emotional crescendo ...

You'll try and try and one day you'll fly
Away from me.

Well, that did it. Next thing, I'm wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand, sniffling. Really trying not to lose it. I managed to hold it together, but not so well that a few folks nearby didn't give me a few odd glances. Lacking any form of context, I'm sure this all looked very odd. Regardless, I get this way sometimes, especially about my kids. Having kids makes you vulnerable in some very unexpected ways, and sometimes the most unexpected events will pierce my heart with surprising force. A film. A phrase in a book. A paricularly moving news item or story. Or a song.

Christine just turned 42 on Thursday. I'm turning 42 in just a few weeks. We'll be married 17 years this Saturday. My kids are 9 and 10-almost-11. Good lord, the time goes by too damn fast.

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It's so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We're still fighting it, we're still fighting it
Oh, we're still fighting it, we're still fighting it

And you're so much like me
I'm sorry...

Here's a link to video of the song -- it's a killer.

Mood: Grateful
Now Playing: Ben Folds, "Rockin' the Suburbs"